I'm 99% sure I'm PMS'ing. I struggle with being easily angered the 3-5 days leading up to that time of the month.
I really want some chocolate, and quite frankly, I'm pissed that I can't have any.
But then I pray a few minutes later & I'm OK again.
But then I'm crabby again.
And it's hot. Oh, is it hot.
And I didn't get breakfast right away because we need to go the library after swimming lessons, so I need to pack clothes & diapers & a snack & . . .
So I took my homemade, whole wheat bread & peanut butter (natural, all nuts & salt, perfectly within 7) to lessons. I got 4 bites between talking with a new friend & my 3 little pirahnas.
Note to self: next time, bring enough to share.
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It's confession time. And not something fun & silly like my enjoyment of zombies . . .
I really have an anger problem.
My anger is epic. And I hate that.
Yes, there is a righteous anger that is OK, as even Jesus was angry & tossed tables around in the temple.
This is not righteous. It's not pretty. It's not OK.
I can't control it. I can try. I can white knuckle through it sometimes. But it comes on so stinking fast. I don't know what happens to the rest of my brain.
J & I have decided that swats are OK in our house - as long as it follows a talk, at eye level, that addresses the issue first. And then the swat is to be followed by the child apologizing, J or I forgiving them & then hugs all around. But . . . with this anger . . . sometimes, in the name of discipline, I've swatted my kids when the anger surges.
And really, what gets me, shouldn't get me. Like, B ran into the open van when I needed him to get his shirt on while we were still at the pool. Not the end of the world, right? But, it was. In retrospect, it's easy for me to tell myself what I should have done. But that anger took over & I spoke harshly through clenched jaws(I'm going to have teeth issues from this someday). I grabbed him by the arm & carried him back over to the picnic blanket (where we were having oranges & changing clothes). Come, Heather, really?? I got so anger about A not letting AMP help him buckle that I quietly yelled (so those outside of the van couldn't hear) & told them all that their disobedience lost them the trip to the library.
2 minutes later, I was able to calm down, re-evaluate & explain that indeed we could still go to the library, etc . . .
And I know that this is something that runs in the family. My maternal Grandmother struggles with anger & holding on to it. My mother struggles with it. My dad struggles with it. I see my brother & sister struggle with it. And I can only talk with my sister about it. She's the only one in my family that also loves Jesus.
Two Sunday's ago (find it here, 6/24/2012), our pastor spoke about how sins of the parents are passed down to the next generations. This is obviously being passed through my family - this anger is being heaped in my lap. He went on to say that I have a choice, to do the easy thing & let it continue on to my children or work faithfully, seeking the Lord to change.
I want to change. I don't want to be angry about this stupid stuff. I want to be able to always speak with kindness to my family. I don't want my sins to be heaped into their laps.
I think I may have found what I need to be praying for when I want something outside of 7.
________________________________________________________________________
It's confession time. And not something fun & silly like my enjoyment of zombies . . .
I really have an anger problem.
My anger is epic. And I hate that.
Yes, there is a righteous anger that is OK, as even Jesus was angry & tossed tables around in the temple.
This is not righteous. It's not pretty. It's not OK.
I can't control it. I can try. I can white knuckle through it sometimes. But it comes on so stinking fast. I don't know what happens to the rest of my brain.
J & I have decided that swats are OK in our house - as long as it follows a talk, at eye level, that addresses the issue first. And then the swat is to be followed by the child apologizing, J or I forgiving them & then hugs all around. But . . . with this anger . . . sometimes, in the name of discipline, I've swatted my kids when the anger surges.
And really, what gets me, shouldn't get me. Like, B ran into the open van when I needed him to get his shirt on while we were still at the pool. Not the end of the world, right? But, it was. In retrospect, it's easy for me to tell myself what I should have done. But that anger took over & I spoke harshly through clenched jaws(I'm going to have teeth issues from this someday). I grabbed him by the arm & carried him back over to the picnic blanket (where we were having oranges & changing clothes). Come, Heather, really?? I got so anger about A not letting AMP help him buckle that I quietly yelled (so those outside of the van couldn't hear) & told them all that their disobedience lost them the trip to the library.
2 minutes later, I was able to calm down, re-evaluate & explain that indeed we could still go to the library, etc . . .
And I know that this is something that runs in the family. My maternal Grandmother struggles with anger & holding on to it. My mother struggles with it. My dad struggles with it. I see my brother & sister struggle with it. And I can only talk with my sister about it. She's the only one in my family that also loves Jesus.
Two Sunday's ago (find it here, 6/24/2012), our pastor spoke about how sins of the parents are passed down to the next generations. This is obviously being passed through my family - this anger is being heaped in my lap. He went on to say that I have a choice, to do the easy thing & let it continue on to my children or work faithfully, seeking the Lord to change.
I want to change. I don't want to be angry about this stupid stuff. I want to be able to always speak with kindness to my family. I don't want my sins to be heaped into their laps.
I think I may have found what I need to be praying for when I want something outside of 7.
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