Solo

J is going to be gone for a few days.  He asked months ago to attend a workshop on design that will be held across the state.  I know how useful this information will be to him, so I gladly gave him my blessing.  He will be gone for 2 nights, 2 days, but 3 bedtimes.

The day has arrived for Him to depart.  It really snuck up on us.  I didn't start prepping the kids for his absence like I normally do.  I really hit us last night.  Now he has just over 3 hours before leaving.  I'm pretty sure he's napping with the kids right now.

And the worst is that I'm mourning or anxious or something . . . I can't quite put my finger on it.  I know I'll be fine while he is away.  I know that God is more than able to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine.

But my chest is tight - if feels like both twins are sitting on me.  And I want to cry.

We're not apart over nights . . . like hardly ever.  The last time was while I was crafting at a weekend retreat with the gals.  I can handle that, even though it is hard to say goodbye.

And before that, a few other crafting retreats . . .

At least he's not flying to New York again & gone fore 5 days.  That was hard.

I don't sleep well when he's not here.  Or . . . really I don't fall asleep well.  My strategy has become to read or watch TV until I fall asleep in the process.  I can't just turn off the lights & lay down.  My mind starts racing then.  I noodle.  The "what ifs" zoom around in my brain until I'm planning on how I will be able to keep homeschooling our 4 while being a single parent.  It's awful.

So, if you think of it, pray for me.  For my almost overwhelming anxiety over J's absence.